Wednesday, January 28, 2004

The Ultimate Team Player 

Sons of Buhner is rapidly becoming one of my favorite Mariners blogs to read, having twice caused me to laugh out loud in the past 24 hours. If you haven't bookmarked it yet, I highly recommend it.

In their latest piece, they examine the story of Indians minor league pitcher Kazuhito Tadano, who has claimed he is a heterosexual that took part in gay porn films because he and his college teammates were short on cash. Sons of Buhner sagely recognizes this level of sacrifice and writes on why the M's should acquire this is ultimate team player:

Every stat-hungry, incentive-driven hitter would step to the plate and think, "You know, if that guy can do a gay porn film for his team, the least I can do is put down a decent sacrifice bunt."

Earlier this week, they reported on their hope that Norm Charlton's latest comeback attempt results in the spectacle of having his arm literally drop off at the elbow during his first pitch for the M's:

The greatest part of all, of course, would not be the actual separation of arm from elbow; no, the great part would likely be Norm's cool, measured reaction, which I imagine would be Norm standing at the front of the mound, remaining hand on hip, staring at his departed forearm and muttering, "Well, shoot."

If you find this musing to be a little to close to the 1989 shuddering spectacle of Dave Dravecky breaking his arm in his second start back from cancer treatment, don't worry this has a happy ending as well. (Well you can judge the ending of Dravecky, who broke his arm yet again during an October playoff celebration before retiring from baseball. The cancer returned and his arm was amputated two years later, but Dravecky is now one of the country's most inspiring motivational speakers).

Sons of Buhner shows that they understand Norm Charlton as they follow up with:

If Norm's left arm falls off, I'm putting ten bucks right now on an attempted comeback with the right one.

And though we choose to disagree on the relative merits of the signings of the Mariners, Padres and Royals, I wholeheartedly endorse Sons of Buhner as a great read for baseball fans everywhere. Heck, I'm going to "promote" them, along with Mariners Wheelhouse, to the label of "Cranky Internet Columnists whom I love." Keep up the great work, oh balding ones.

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